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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

16 Ways to Annamate Your Life

Vicki Lynn Hogan (aka Anna Nicole Smith) did it. You can too.

Here are 16 tips and tricks from opera’s newest heroine to get you started:

1.    Get your start in a town nobody can pronounce.2.    Take the jobs as they come.
3.    Choose your idols wisely … 4.    … and don’t lose heart
when you can’t quite measure up.
5.    Give it all for bigger boobs … 6.    … whatever the consequences.
7.    Snag a cameo in a Coen Brothers flick.8.    Find a generous 89-year-old …
9.    … and put a ring on it. 10.    Wear a cute outfit to your Supreme Court
hearing when he inevitably passes away.
11.    Revisit the marriage = money gambit later in life when you’re strapped for cash and the tabloids need a story.12.    Become a friend to animals.
13.    Always stay relevant. 14.    Keep your reality TV show on the air
for as long as humanly possible.
15.    When in doubt, go infomercial.16.    And never leave the house without your teacup poodle.

Anna Nicole opens tonight, September 17, and runs through Saturday, September 28 in the BAM Howard Gilman Opera House.

Illustrations by Nathan Gelgud. See more of his work at

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